Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) Four Irrational Beliefs

Demanding

Demanding, in REBT, is a set of unrealistic beliefs in which a person DEMANDS that things be different
than they are. Demanding usually consists of one (or more) of the following. "I MUST______", "Others
MUST_______", "Life/ Situations MUST________"

Demanding also consists of a person elevating his preferences into ABSOLUTE NEEDS.

People naturally prefer to be loved, to be treated fairly, and to get what they want. When people do not get
what they want they feel angry, or sad. These feelings of anger or sadness, although unpleasant, are natural
and may motivate the person to do what he/she can to change the situation. However, REBT believes that
when a person elevates his/her preferences to demands it is usually self defeating.

For example, a person may greatly prefer to be loved. However, if he DEMANDS that "I MUST be loved or it
is terrible," then he will feel- not only sadness- when he is rejected, but profound depression. If he believes
that he MUST be loved, then he will often engage in self defeating behaviors, such as staying with a mate
who is abusive, or getting with anyone (even though the person may not be a good match) just so that he
can be "loved."

REBT believes that people have a natural tendency to elevate preferences to needs. The REBTer works
diligently to identify his/her believes, and strives to keep them strong preferences rather than DEMANDS.

Awfulizing

Awfulizing, according to REBT, is the belief that something is so horrible, so terrible, that it could not
possibly get any worse. REBT, however, teaches that this is impossible- because things could always be
worse. Embarrassing events could have always been more embarrassing, tragic events could have been
even more tragic, bad events could have had more negative consequences.

But, what if, for example, a meteorite came and destroyed half of the planet, wouldn’t that be AWFUL- the
worse thing ever. No, because the catastrophe could have been more catastrophic. The meteorite could
have destroyed the whole planet. A deadly virus could have ravaged the planet resulting in a miserable death
for millions, right before the meteorite hit. A famine could have engulfed the entire planet, before the deadly
virus had spread to all parts of the earth, right before the meteorite hit. It could go on and on. Things could
always be worse.

This is not to say that bad things don’t happen, which contributes to profound sadness. However, when we
escalate these bad situations to AWFULIZING- thinking that it is the worse possible thing that could have
happened, then we not only feel sad but also depressed, and we are more likely to act self defeatingly.

Low Frustration Tolerance (also called "I Cant Standitis")

Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) is the unrealistic magnification of the unpleasantness of a situation. LFT
occurs when a person believes that "if ________happens, then I will not be able to endure the unpleasant
feelings".There are some things in life that a person "cannot stand"because if they occur, it will kill the
person. For example, a person cannot stand for a ton of bricks to be dropped on his head. If this happened,
he would die. A person cannot stand to go days without any food or water, because eventually he would die.
However, a person can stand not having an ice cream cone- even though he may REALLY want one. No one
has ever died from NOT having a treat. A person can stand exercising- provided that the person does not
have any dangerous health conditions- even though it may REALLY be unpleasant. A husband can stand
his wife’s nagging, even though it is GREATLY undesirable. And a wife can stand her husband’s
indecisiveness even though she may REALLY not like it.

Therefore, REBT attempts to help people increase their level of frustration tolerance by first identifying when
one is using "I cant standitis", then engaging and enduring situations which he, initially, thought that he
could not stand.

People Rating

People Rating (also called Conditional Self Acceptance, and Conditional Other Acceptance) states that a
person’s worth is dependent upon his or her behaviors. This belief is irrational because:

1. It is an overgeneralization NO ONE does poorly in everything, all of the time. Ellis is found of stating that
"even Hitler was nice to his dog and to his mistress. So, even though he did ‘bad’ things and I supported the
United States taking him out, he was not a ‘bad person’."

2. It implies that, not only is the person’s behavior ‘bad’ now, but that it will ALWAYS be bad. No one can
see the future, so no one can make such a prediction. Most people believe that Charles Manson is a ‘bad’
person. But, what if, while in prison, Manson was able to find the cure for AIDS and was able to save
millions of lives. Would he now be a good person? How much good, does one need to do to be ‘good’? And
how much bad does one need to do to be ‘bad’?

3. It is often self defeating, because the person experiences anxiety as he or she constantly tries to ‘prove’
himself by doing good things. Also, WHEN one fails, the person spends time DAMNING themselves or
others, rather than spending time problem solving.

REBT teaches that ‘bad’ behaviors should be avoided because they bring bad consequences. However, it is
better to separate our behaviors from our ‘personhood’. So that, when one performs badly he feels sad about
his poor choice, but does not DAMN himself as being a NO GOOD ROTTEN PERSON.

REBT offers two solutions to people rating. A person can choose to accept himself just because he is alive
and a human being (or, if he is a Judeo-Christian, because he is a "child of God"). Or, the person can
choose to refuse to rate himself, his personhood, at all. Choosing to only rate his behaviors as good or bad.

Ellis admits that, out of all of the REBT concepts, people rating is the hardest for people to grasp. This may
be because society teaches us from a young age, that our worth is dependent upon our behaviors. Also,
people may have a genetic tendency to rate themselves.

The REBTer strives for Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) and Unconditional Other Acceptance (UOA).
However, it is unlikely that- even with hard work- one can ever unconditionally accept themselves ALL of the
time.

Additional Reading

Psychotherapy and the Worth of a Human- by Albert Ellis